TRISTAN'S MOON

Chronic Pain Relief

the morphine hour

so you have washed yourself with mud again/ the housedog is the poppy plant/ it’s the best they have to offer/ the solution from your veins distilled/ 2:am thumbs up god himself creeps his grief through pain/ fentanyl, fentanil, sublimaze, actiq, durogesic, duragesic, fentora, onsolis, iInstany, dilaudid, oxycontin, my favorite is actiq; whose witchery breaks the rims of memory, into softer wheels sitting in the silences of sadomechanisms, the masochist’s deceit that the strongbox can easily be plundered/ no/ the plundering will be of you and any number of your other selves/ the edge of nighttime’s fence/ vibrates doorframes of my tomb of mud and stones and small deceptions, whirl over and around the rain-soaked grass/ a stir of wonders with the plastic lightness of a blowing grocery bag/ the wandering pill-to-pill/ and mud again, shines the summits of a rapture/ sleepwalks among the bones up and down the walls painted with the demon’s face/ such threads of veins have been gnawed on by the bodies of a fertile land now entangled with the voices of the talking to the lesser saints/ the awfulness of sorrow and the vanishing of the bleeding doors to sleep/ how hard they close with a clang just as the sun licks the horizon gently with its numb the mud again and melancholy tongue/


dr. benway’s, stick it in: the machine

the great american junkie

in the aids drug trial

the vampires blow my veins

so they have to drain

the blood from my feet

cum in a cup

dr. benway and my

shattered bones

his pills like pieces in the dark

 

dr. benway, stick it in

the machine

 

the costumes of strangers

constitute an identity

of everything hurts

like spigots have been

turned on clockwise

touching nerves pink as

dracula’s baby’s balls

 

the great american junkie/ the drug trial has grown gruesome/ inside my ass radiant forms of madness dream their ancient dreams/ o dr. benway calls them stars poured into the crystal sea/ flesh hot as an oil lamp and telling secrets to the monks/ vampire planets in their orbit around your twisting finger like another sun/ just poke it in/ spits what pigments cause a cunt to fringe itself with wings/ keelhaul lips mercurial heroin renegades spellbound whose tongues lick my insides clean as a milkshake/ the terror of my horses running away and over those distant hills of leakage is a memory of swallowing entire carnivals of conflict/ i have always maintained that death was a seductive lullabye, lullabye/  banshees and their religious overdose all of us are sick/

 

in the aids drug trial

the vampires blow my veins

so they have to drain

the blood from my feet

cum in a cup

dr. benway and my

shattered bones

his pills like pieces in the dark

 

dr. benway, stick it in

the machine

 

i stand naked in the shadows

of the catacombs in the corner

where the scorpions suck my cock

hotshit and prayers yearning

warpspeed is a tongue burned

by sky and high on rapture’s triad

edge moves so noise slides down

his throat

paralytic feeding

as a pack of wolves

 

the great american junkie strolling around a huge medical complex totally lost/ what elevator/ which way to the aids drug trial, please/ oh, the great dr. benway is just down the hall fifty stories up/ to piss in cups like swans/ half of us will die/ the other half will probably die/ sign on the dotted line that you understand this/ what i understand is that we are lab rats/ dr. benway and his big pharma dick stand to make billions/ dr. benway really hopes this drug will work/ me, too/ the half of the study that will die (inevitably the darker boys) is lamentable/ like the furies i promise to live a nice quiet suburban life and do good deeds/ these fentanyl patches are a fucking bitch/ and the actiq is tearing the inside of my mouth apart/ i didn’t want either the oxycontin or the dilaudid/ i’ll take the actiq though because the high is all the way out there to 3C 273 which is a qusar in virgo the brightest quasar in the sky with a buttfuck redshift of solar mass and reverbation mapping/ reverberating prostate up your asshole like an electrified banana/ map me/ on a scale of one to ten how would you rate your pain/ o dr. benway i need a psychostimulant amphetamine third blind eye / no participant in this drug trial can be in pain, and i am always in agony; all of my bones now are riddled with hairline fractures/ a cast is not appropriate unless it would be a full-body cast, and that would be a problem/ but how do i keep these patches on with the androgel/testrosterone applied on the same arms i could grow new arms/ tell your healthcare provider if you have a kidney/ important safety information if you die be sure to report diarrhea, headache, nausea, rash, and vomiting/ in most cases, these side effects will not cause your corpse to stop taking the experimental medicine/ how can someone take this study medication and still be on all these other medications i have only mentioned half of them/ in fact, they were looking for someone just like me to see how the swag works because in the general aids population a certain percentage of us are walking, talking addicts asphalt sunlit gorgons of liquid o chitsanitsa/ our purple tits glow in the dark/ virgo is quite red this time of year and the radiation could mutate an entire planet let alone a virus/ fifty stories up/ i can’t remember what cock must have fucked me with the aids virus/ o let me count the ways/ it could have been the fistfucking in the sling how do you explain to these people that the catacombs was a sacred place you don’t/ how did you get aids, they ask, holding tightly to their clipboards/ i have no fucking idea/ the early season crowds will descend and you can watch them on tv/

 

in the aids drug trial

the vampires blow my veins

so they have to drain

the blood from my feet

cum in a cup

dr. benway and my

shattered bones

his pills like pieces in the dark

 

dr. benway, stick it in

the machine

 

the hoo sky allness behind each eye

i watch them fist another boy

like a river the pills come rushing

out of his hole his legs spread

like a vagabond

the lights of his antenna blink

 

the great american junkie dr. benway is a lunatic/ he thinks he has found the holy grail/ we all go every first of the month to get our experimental aids drugs from dr. benway/ dr. benway is a maniac/ you are either receiving the aids drug or a sugar pill/ like i wouldn’t know a fucking sugar pill from an antiviral/ the poor sons-of-bitches who got stuck with the sugar pill are going to gyroscope into debris/ the sugar pills are sweet and the antivirals make you hallucinate/ you might be able to tell the difference/ sustiva can be like that/ but this is superduper-artillery sustiva on steroids/ laboratories decode by genetic seed/ we each get a month’s worth of pills, and we have to submit to being examined/ once again, having filled out all the forms, i am assigned the designation: sexual abuse survivor so there are parts of the examinations (where they stick cameras up your asshole) i am allowed to avoid/ you have to have a certain percentage of those of us who have been sexually violated to make the drug trial viable/ but we all have to jack off into a cup/ which for those of us who have no cum is patently absurd/ i haven’t cum in years/ the examinations are highly invasive/ abuse in and of themselves/ and everyone knows the difference between a sugar pill and an antiviral because we have all been on antivirals for a while, now/ you’re supposed to take the pill at night, but i like to take it in the elevator on the way down so i can start hallucinating out on the street/ the sun goes obsidian/ o dr. benway, baby, just suck me dry/ i want my virus brain to fry/ i want i want/ i want to fuck raggedy andy in the ass/ o dr. benway, the purples and the reds flashin’ timothy leary is dancin’ the planetcore deep inside my brain robespierre chuchumacha; i’m / so step between two parked cars and puke my guts out/ the medication has been absorbed by now/ just another ghost puking in the street streams of glacial bone and ice/

 

in the aids drug trial

the vampires blow my veins

so they have to drain

the blood from my feet

cum in a cup

dr. benway and my

shattered bones

his pills like pieces in the dark

 

dr. benway, stick it in

the machine

 

the salt shaker filled with euphoria

identity is deranged

every moment blasphemous

uppers downers gin

eating shit like dogs

the mine shaft was a manta ray

metamorphic incandescent

the great feast has grown cold

what kind of monster are you

 

the great american junkie/ i had a job once as editor of drummer magazine/ i have not been employed since/ i fucked up that, too/ heroin is a pit bull junkyard dog/ the quiet throb of centuries/ maybe you got it shooting up/ i doubt that i was careful/whole dead herds of crawling naked into whatever cave/ and searching for wild berries to eat, i arrive at the land of pills/ the glare of streets unbeams my spirit’s door/ draws flesh to flesh and breast to breast the ruinous pain of broken bones/ i stand beside my bed of silence and stare through the window at the far-off hills where the daybreak horses run/ i walk cat-like through your exalted eyes seeking blood from a knotted mouth/ there will be tempests on the wind tonight/ your nerves livid with fatigue/ the full weight of vanishing upon the colder waves of death/ o dr. benway none of the other medications helped to keep the viral loads as undetectable they were quite detectable/ disordered and the candle flames to guide me through the ruins/ a cd4 below a hundred; below ten; below five; the stars set out another life lived outside the law i am a criminal/ they need us thieves as well/ i can sell you a tv set designed for just your throat/ the drug trial hangs in doorways and hammers out where the fighting is/ you, choshuneetza where nothing is permitted/ but that we could be the world/ paging dr. benway he’s down in pediatrics where he cuts them up and feeds on flesh/ lullabye lullabye/

 

in the aids drug trial

the vampires blow my veins

so they have to drain

the blood from my feet

cum in a cup

dr. benway and my

shattered bones

his pills like pieces in the dark

 

dr. benway, stick it in

the machine

 

we arrive at the hospital the first

of the month the dust on god

too high above the dark shadows

of the town of self-inflicted

wounds searching for a cure

we might hide in like an apparition

sleeps bloodless in a coffin

i told you like the electronic

dancing, flashing furies

i promise i swear i promise

to live a nice quiet suburban life and do good deeds

o dr. benway, thank you for your kindness

half of us will die

the other half

are guided only by their voices

dr. benway, stick it in

the machine

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